The other day I was cleaning out my room and came across a dusty relic of a forgotten time.
As I picked it up and blew the dust off of it, I looked at the words that were inscribed on the purple trophy, the words that said, "Chad Weaver - Pretty Good Doing Sex - 2016." It made me smile, thinking of how young I was back when my friends had given me that trophy after the first time I had sex.
The Bonertown Booty Boys glanced at each other, with the knowledge in our hearts that this could be the last time we were alive in our Bootyhole together.
We looked despaired, until Barack turned hardened, like the true Bonertown Booty Boy he was, and said, "Listen Boys, I will never be the 44th President of the United States, but that doesn't mean we're not going to make it out of here alive to see me not become the 44th President." With those words, "B.
Then Cardboard Chad Weaver, using his signature move, rubbed himself on the Dad thereby drying out his skin and giving him some wicked cardboard cuts. The bartender emerged from his hiding place and looked at us with relief.
As we pulled out our wallets the bartender waved them off, looked us each in the eye and said, "Listen, as far as I'm concerned, the Bonertown Booty Boys can come in The Bootyhole anytime." And that, my friends, is the story of the first time I had sex.
" I was just about to explain how that was classic "B.
O." when I spotted a beauty the likes of which I had never seen within The Bootyhole.Judging by the stuff we'd seen him do, we didn't think he would either.Next was Cardboard Chad Weaver (no relation), a cardboard cutout that looked just like me (but again, no relation).The final Hot Dad stood there in shock and horror, much like the reaction of the people he attempted to grind on. The Bonertown Booty Boys gave each other a glance and knew exactly what to do next. " we all yelled as we threw the Hot Dad out of our Bootyhole.While the Hot Dad leader was stunned, Cardboard Chad Weaver dove into him. To celebrate our victory, me, Barack Obama, Gary the talking basketball and Cardboard Chad Weaver all saddled up to the bar for a drink.My jaw must have dropped when I saw her, because Cardboard Chad Weaver looked at me then followed my gaze to her. Hey man, if you want to try to talk to her I can give you one of my many condoms, though I know you like your sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll with the sex on the side since you're still a virgin," Cardboard Chad Weaver said, repetitively. She looks like 44th President of the United States material, unlike me! Gary joined in and said, "Chad go pass her The Rock if you know what I'm saying! "Well Chad, there's only one way you're going to lose your virginity, and that's by talking to her and taking her on a hump parade down Boner Boulevard," Cardboard Chad Weaver explained, then pushed me in the direction of her.