If you feel like there is a part of you you’ve been holding back on, you’ve got the opportunity to hop onto almost any site and just do a quick search.” There is a growing host of online dating services catered to the LGBTQ community.There are several apps for gay women, some of which admittedly have become something of a punchline (really though, who actually uses Her? Gay men have Scruff, Jack’d, and perhaps the most well-known same-sex dating site of them all, Grindr, which has more than 5 million users.
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“People are able to express themselves however they want and use the right language that meets how they want to talk about themselves, their gender and their orientation,” she says.
“Sometimes it can be very constraining if you only have straight and gay for orientation or man and woman.” Almendares says privacy is a top priority for Ok Cupid, and the site allows users to use pseudonyms and settings like “I don’t want to be seen by straight people.” This lowers the risk of LGBTQ users being outed to friends and family who may also be on the site.
“We see sometimes people reverse their orientation, or choose different ways of identifying themselves,” Almendares says.
“I think it’s a reflection of life, and the fluidity of these identifying tags.” The ability to change the way you self-identify with the click of a button may come at a cost, according to April Masini, a relationship advice columnist and author.
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This was certainly the case for Kyle Govans, who met his fiancé on gay dating app Jack’d.
He says he was fresh out of a long-term straight relationship when he first started dating men online and was attracted to the privacy offered by the sites, especially given his family’s negative opinions about the “gay lifestyle.” “I was really scared to actually go to a gay bar and go up to someone; with these apps you could be more discreet and choose where to meet up with people,” he says, adding that these dating services “played a vital role” in his coming-out process.
It allowed her to meet friends and foster an LGBTQ community in her new city, slowly giving her the confidence to meet people organically—including her current girlfriend, whom she met offline.